Category: On a Personal Note

User Friendly Band of Merry Yoginis

We did a quick Savasana.  I meant to be quick.  We had done some great postures and had worked on allowing a strong Flying Warrior (Virabhadrasana III) for our peak pose.  This isn’t the first time this Flying Warrior is my go to.  Today was particularly nice for everyone.  They looked strong.  But we had taken our time and now there wasn’t much time left for a strong Savasana.

This is a day I am glad there is no clock in the room.  My battery operated clock is facing me.  I guide the gang down onto their mats and started the slow relaxing mantra as I walked over to the light switches to calm the room.  I had to think about staying at a calming pace with my guided relaxation.  I can’t just say – be calm for half a minute – and expect it to work.  I thought about it.

I came back to my mat at the front of the room and sat to watch the group.  Usually I watch for twitching and restlessness to know when the Savasana is no longer serving its purpose.  Today I was watching the clock.  We went into Savasana at the time we usually are done with Savasana.  There isn’t going to be enough time to clean our mats and roll them up if we get in a full three minutes.

I don’t know how long Savasana is supposed to last.  I just know that around three minutes everyone is done, put a fork in them and let these folks sit up and get about their day.

At a minute and a half – I am getting crazy nervous about ruining any relaxation by having to get up too quickly and vacate the room – I called it.  “It is time, already, to bring yourselves back into the room.”

Shelby smiled, she must have known it was coming.  Steph didn’t’ twitch once to be released.  She is the first one to start getting antsy to be moving.  I feel like I beat her to the punch.  Usually I am pleased to have her learn to wait it out a little.

Even with a short Savasana the cartel seemed pleased with our practice today.  It is going to be difficult to have a bad practice with this group.  I am extremely lucky.  I am so honored to be practicing my skills with them.  I got really lucky.

Private Gigs can be Cancelled

My private gig was late on Sunday.  Okay, my private lesson was late and then cancelled.  When I received the first text requesting late, I was a little miffed, but I agreed.  When it got a lot late and I was getting hungry and ready to move on with my day – well, that’s where I found myself glad that I don’t do yoga teaching for my only means of support.

When she had requested late, she hadn’t specified how late and at the really late mark I was feeling jerked around.  My text to her at the hour late mark (I can’t believe I waited an hour), “Do you want to do this next week instead?”  For all the things I wanted to say, I kept it simple.  And nicer than I felt.

It actually really pissed me off to be hanging here waiting for somebody.  And it isn’t until just now that I can see how thoughtless, how unaccepting I am of other people’s problems.  I was thinking total jerk thoughts…okay, just for an hour maybe.  It just goes to show me that I am no angel, I am no bodhisattva, I’m no yogini.  I am just another Joesephine with an agenda.  Being a yoga-meister does not make me better, or more accepting or enlightened.  I’m still who I am.

And I am truly sorry she started her day off with a flat tire.  It’s no way to start anyone’s day.  I’m sorry she didn’t feel the need to share that with me until late.  We will try again next week.

The Friend Effect

In my lifetime I have seen people become friends simply by spending time together.  That’s all it takes.  There may be no other “thing” in common, only the time we spend together, yet quite naturally we become friends.  Things in common will increase with the amount of time we spend together.  I suppose it is a no-brainer, yet I am always a little surprised to realize we have become friends.

There is a Friend Effect going on with the Friday group.  Every week now as we get together, once a week is all, just one and now several of the group hang back while each person cleans their mat and rolls it up.  They wait for each other as shoes are put back on.  The chatting I overhear is both job related and weekend related.  They leave the room in subsets, little groups.

This week the whole group waited for me before anyone left the room.  I put the room back the way it was when I came in.  I roll the cart of mats, straps and cleaner into the closet and close it back again.  This is a multi-purpose room.  I re-set the lighting back to how we found it as well.  I grab the bundle of used towels to drop them in the soiled linens bin.  I look around for left articles from my group or myself.  I just never hurry leaving the room.  I kind of relish the time.  I like feeling responsible for getting everything back as it was.  So for the group, en masse, to be waiting for me was flattering.

I didn’t notice at first.  Everyone was chatting as they do.  I asked a question for clarification is all.  The talk continued around me as I took care of business.  I was half listening.  As we all walked down the hall together is when I realized they had waited for me.  I felt part of the group.

I suppose it was bound to happen.  We see each other once a week.  I put the room back together for the next group without even thinking about it these days. In other words, I wasn’t asking to be included.  It was organic and I am feeling rather blessed today while we continued to breathe.

Why I am Not an Expert Yet

There is more to life than yoga.  I know…blasphemy.

Like most folks I know I have a hard time turning off the television.  If the television is off then my computer is on.   Usually they are both active, television and the internet.  Nothing is as hungry for taking up my time as internet.   I am in constant contact with media and advertising and brain-washing…I know better than to kid myself.  I’m not going to tell you that my personal media immersion is all from PBS and self-betterment sites.  I’ve had my fill of self-improvement affliction.  Still, I do love me some TedTalks,  I like just as well peeking in on my family and friends on Facebook.  If I would get off these media sites and power down I would be a whole lot closer to being a yoga expert.  Or an expert on anything for that matter.

I’m almost an expert at fishing.  When I am powered down I am probably out on the boat, fishing.  I would be an expert at fishing, but that is nonsensical.  Only fish are expert at fishing.

Ain’t no big Thang

I’m supposed to write of who I am, to write from inside of me.  I am to do those things that feed my soul, that make me feel comfortable with myself and where I am.

When I guide yoga, I am always unsure.  I am unsure if I come out too strong, If I am not fun, if these postures are hurtful or too hard.  I want to look out over my students and see them in good form, better than last time.  I’m not sure they are.  I don’t know when I have done it right.

The Friday classes are only two and three times a month.  How can this possibly be helpful?  Is there ANY benefit to just three times a month?

And am I doing the thing that brings me joy.  Is joy part of learning to do this?  Is the joy in the learning?  Are the students feeling the joy?  I have had positive feedback.  Is this only because they do not want to be negative nellies?

I am told my pacing is good.  I am told the Savasana is wonderful – and so yes, we are able to leave on a good note.  I want to be better.  Just as important I want to feel good that this is in fact what I am supposed to be doing.  I like doing yoga.  I like doing yoga with people.  Am I  an instructor?  I don’t want to give this up without giving it my honest and authentic heart.  I will know if it truly fets.  Maybe I am to  be among the crowd, and not in front of the crowd.

Maybe I am too early to pass judgement on myself.  We are our own harshest critics.  This is a tough idea.  I would kick myself years from now to wathc a woman my age in front of a class, showing her insecurities and still being a teacher.  I am good at not sharing my insecurities in front of the group.    Regardless of how I feel.  I am better than some, I have more heart than many.  I can do this well, and it will cover me like a glove, a nice skin tight yoga suit to be proud of.

My life is not yoga right now.  There is too much life beyond any yoga or spritiual notion.  There is more life to live than just “on the mat” or “off the mat”.  There is more life off the mat than I will ever live on it.  I love yoga.  But, it is merely the prep time that I spend before I go on to life.

I can wear this yoga instructor well.  And I can live off the mat, and I do for gawd’s sake live it well, off the mat.  I love me my football, and my martinis and my sweet love and children.  I enjoy my job, even while I want to replace it with a yoga job.  I have dreams and aspirations of the beach house,  and friedns coming to stay the weekend, and holidays with all the family surrounding us.  I have recipes to conquer and garden’s to plant, and moon travel that I want for a birday treat.  I have my convertible, and my frequestn flyer myles and I have a list an arm long of all the places I want to visit.  There is so much life outside this yoga…that even as I write thes you must know, you must be clear that an hour on the mat every other day is a very strong practice.  Meditations for fifteen minutes every single day, every day, every one is essential for stability and dream realizations.  And it’s only fifteen minutes.  Yoga isn’t necessary for dreams to realize.  Meditation is.  Medidtaion IS essentioal to happiness.  If we don’t have time to relax and feel our happiness, there is no happy.  And happy is important in a successful life.

My life is already successful.  Yoga feels good.  Meditation reminds me that I am happy, and for all the right reasons.

Am I a yoga teacher?  I dunno, I have only just started. I wonder if I can teach happy in yoga.  Maybe I need to teach “Aint no big thang” in yoga.  I don’t teach often enough to get across any philosophy really.  Its hard to choose a philosophy in front of the mats when I don’t get in front of the mats very often.  Three times a month for the group and once on Sundays for my private patron.  We all want to have fun, to stay away from resting b*tches, to walk away from class smiling and content.

That’s all there is to it, it ain’t no big thang that we continue to breathe.

Self-Serving Blog of Learning

I’m supposed to be non-self-serving in my goal as yogini and instructor.

But all life is self-serving?  I like hosting class.  I love the feeling when my students praise me for a particularly good set.  I worry about how to make each class better for my students and myself.

There is a lot of chatter out there regarding showing humility, and to take myself out of the equation.  Are we crazy?  The only constant in this equation is me.  This is not narcissism, this is my blog.  These are the issues I am learning through.  These are my moments of growth.  Growth is better held when it is recognized.  I will not be a good yoga instructor without some self-analysis and consideration.

I can understand that this blog can be picked apart and tossed into the gutter in front of any yogi shrine.  I do not write this for someone’s editorial mastication.  I write this to explore my own journey.  It’s okay to be a beginner.  My body and my mind are only what they are at the time that they are.  Release, let go, enjoy.

I am seeking to be a strong, stable, knowledgeable and compassionate yoga instructor.  That’s it.  I am seeking to be my best.  I am too old to worry about being humble.  When good things happen I am pleased to be able to share.  Successes are so much easier and nicer to celebrate than our challenges.  I do not write so that readers can denigrate me with their own insecurities.  I write to dispel my insecurities –thereby making me a better instructor.

The first time I tied my shoes, the first time I rode my bike, the first time I solo’d a class, the first time I assisted with touch.  These are all huge, and they are still nothing.  They are each required to get on with life or yoga instruction.  As a Buddhist I expect to always have a seeking mind.  Whether my reader can see the seeking, is in the eye of my reader (whom I appreciate).  This is not a blog of knowledge, this is a blog of learning.  This is my blog of baby-steps to something even better down the road.  This is a new road for me.  I’m having a blast and I am still breathing.

Retirement and Yoga

I’ve been doing yoga since I was nineteen.  I’m 57 now.  I didn’t get my teacher training until I was 55.  My thought is that since I’ll be practicing yoga anyway, I may as well make myself useful to others.  And who knows, it may provide the supplemental income that allows me a more comfortable retirement when I get there.

I figure I am a solid ten years away from retirement.  I couldn’t tell you from here when that date will be.  I am told that retirement is most usually a bit of a surprise.  You know it’s coming but you don’t know when.  I want to have some teaching under my belt before I am in retirement.  I want to know I am doing some good.

I have been able to pick out new teachers, the not so seasoned ones.  I prefer the teachers that have some instruction time under their belt.  I want to be one of those by the time I retire.  I want to have the experience to match my greying hair.

I appreciate the new teachers.  I learn from them as a new teacher myself.  I can pick out the parts they are working on.  I can hear when the phrasing is still being cleared up.  I can see what they have mastered and are comfortable with.  It reminds me to do the same.  It reminds me to work with the poses I know to get into and out of with grace and control.  While I like to add variety, I need to be sure I can guide my group into and out of these postures and variations with knowledge and control.  I am reminded to breakdown a new posture into steps and only as far as the group is comfortable.  I am reminded to watch my students and truly see them.

I want to be a seasoned instructor by the time I retire from my full-time career job.  I want my grey hair and my solid instruction to complement each other as the strength of experience.  I am blessed to be teaching yoga at all considering all the new teachers getting their yoga certificates every day.  I am blessed and I will continue to grow in my practice and my teaching to be sure that I can continue this blessing and continue to breathe.

Yogini Insurance

I think insurance is a pretty good racket.  If I’d been smarter I would have become an insurance agent when I was younger.  I’d be rolling in it by now.

So, yep, I bought insurance as a Yoga Trainer.  I have a good ol’ General and Professional Liability Insurance policy.  I could afford it, so I bought it.  What I bought was peace of mind.  I don’t ever expect anyone to contact me to file a claim.  The amount insured per occurrence should keep any attorney happy enough s/he won’t need to sue me directly. They can go through my insurance company lawyers.  I think that is what I am paying for anyway.

I teach less than six hours per week right now.  I expect that will continue for the next year.  I expect that in this next year my student base will double.  I’m hoping so.  That expectation is based on my idea, my hope that I will be getting better as an instructor and more people will want to come see me.  Even as my student base grows I will still be teaching less than six hours per week.  This makes for a lower premium price on my liability coverage.

The other reason my premium is so low is that I do request a Liability Waiver from my students.  I found one online and edited it for my purposes.  I may never need these things.  But I like having a folder of waivers available.  I numbered them so I can go in sometime and see how many people I have guided along the way.  It’s a pitiful number right now.

I bought peace of mind.  I expect I’ll buy it again for next year.

Devil in the Details

 

Insecure But Strong

I’m supposed to write of who I am, to write from inside of me.  I am to do those things that feed my soul, that make me feel comfortable with myself and where I am.

When I guide yoga, I am always unsure.  I am unsure if I come out too strong, if I am not fun, if these postures are hurtful or too hard.  I want to look out over my students and see them in good form, better than last time.  I’m not sure they are.  I don’t know when I have done it right.

The Friday classes are only two and three times a month.  How can this possibly be helpful?  Is there ANY benefit to just three times a month?

And am I doing the thing that brings me joy.  Is joy part of learning to do this?  Is the joy in the learning?  Are the students feeling the joy?  I have had positive feedback.  Is this only because they do not want to be negative nellies?  Are they only being kind to be nice?

I am told my pacing is good.  I am told Savasana is wonderful – and so yes, we are able to leave on a good note.  I want to be better.  Just as important, I want to feel good that this is in fact what I am supposed to be doing.  I like doing yoga.  I like doing yoga with people.  Am I  an instructor?  I don’t want to give this up without giving it my honest and authentic heart.  I will know if it truly fits.  Maybe I am to supposed to be among the crowd, and not in front of the crowd.

Maybe I am too early to pass judgement on myself.  We are our own harshest critics.  This is a tough idea.  I would kick myself years from now if I were to watch a woman my age in front of a class, showing her insecurities and still being a teacher.  I am good at not sharing my insecurities in front of the group.  Regardless of how I feel.  I am better than some, I have more heart than many.  I can do this well, and it will cover me like a glove, a nice skin tight yoga suit to be proud of.  Eventually.

My life is not yoga right now.  There is too much life beyond any yoga or spritiual notion.  There is more life to live than just “on the mat” or “off the mat”.  There is more life off the mat than I will ever live on it.  I love yoga.  But, it is the prep time that I spend before I go on to life.

I can wear this “yoga instructor” well.  And I can live off the mat, and I do for gawd’s sake live it well, off the mat.  I love me my football, and my martinis and my sweet love and children.  I enjoy my job, even while I want to replace it with a yoga job.  I have dreams and aspirations of the beach house,  and friends coming to stay the weekend, and holidays with all the family surrounding us.  I have recipes to conquer and garden’s to plant, and moon travel that I want for a birthday treat.  I have my convertible car, and my frequent flyer miles and I have a list an arm long of all the places I want to visit.  There is so much life outside of this yoga…that even as I write this you must know, you must be clear that an hour on the mat every other day is a very strong practice.  Meditations for fifteen minutes every single day, every day, every one is essential for stability and dream realizations.  And it’s only fifteen minutes.  Yoga isn’t necessary for dreams to realize.  Meditation is.  Meditation IS essential to happiness.  If we don’t have time to relax and feel our happiness, there is no happy.  And happy is important in a successful life.

My life is already successful.  Yoga feels good.  Meditation reminds me that I am happy, and for all the right reasons.

Am I a yoga teacher?  I dunno, I have only just started. I wonder if I can teach happy in yoga.  Maybe I need to teach “Aint no big thang” in yoga.  I don’t teach often enough to get across any philosophy really.  Its hard to choose a philosophy in front of the mats when I don’t get in front of the mats very often.  Three times a month for the group and once on Sundays for my private patron.  We all want to have fun and to walk away from class smiling and content.

That’s all there is to it, it ain’t no big thang that we continue to breathe.

Resting B*tch Face

 

I just learned this term in the last couple months since I’ve been teaching yoga.   Resting B*tch Face.   I’m not saying I haven’t seen this before.  Oh yes, I have.   I’ve even been accused of it.  I was accused of it by my mother, no less.   Years ago.  Neither my mom nor I knew there was such a term for it.  I denied having Resting B*tch Face.  I didn’t know I looked like a b*tch.  How would I know I had “that” look while I just hang out.  I find it interesting that my mom tagged it decades before it became a known issue.  Moms have a way of saying things that just cannot be denied. (dammit)

Resting B*tch Face is just that.  It is the look women have when they are not concerned how they look, when they are concentrated on other things or nothing.  I see it regularly all through class.  It is surprising to me that I am still surprised at the end of class to see people smiling and talking all with animated faces.  All through practice there is this b*tchy look on their faces. Resting B*tch face can be intimidating.

It’s good to know that men have the look too.  They have Resting A**hole Face.  I appreciate the equality of this.

It is time to change this terrible affliction.  It is time to make a concerted effort to enliven these faces.  Can I change this with facial yoga?  Will this make a difference?  Can I take on an entire affliction with an entire populace?  Can I win?  Can I get into the Great Records of Yoga Influencers (GRYI) by tackling Resting B*tch Face?  This needs to be addressed.  I am good enough for this.  I can change the world one B*tch Face at a time.