To be sure I may not be ahead of my time. I am afraid anymore that I am falling behind. All the copywrite dates on these books and the posting dates on YouTube and other channels, movies and media make me realize how far behind I am. That I am not a trailblazer. I am not the Pioneer. I am following a path along with so many others. So many that I have not met. I am assimilating as fast as I can.Read More...
Old souls abound in our lives currently. Old souls are abundant. They are crowding the scenery. Who doesn’t know an old soul? Who out there doesn’t think of themselves as an old soul? Old Souls are notorious for being persecuted, tormented, exiled even. This time around there are so many they blend in as Every Man. They used to be shamanistic, esoteric healers, sought after oracles. We no longer have that pedestal. Old Souls are us. And we are affecting change just by being here.
I had hoped to be an old soul of “oracle” standing, someone sought after. I had hoped for that low-grade lifetime of fame to show I am worthy of old soul designation.
If I ask myself what I wanted to show, or how I wanted to help – I think I wanted “laying on of hands”. I want to touch people and feel them be healed, to be cleared, to feel them open their “eyes”. And then of course, nobody touches anyone these days. We don’t shake hands, we lightly bump elbows for goodness sake. How is that “hello” or “goodbye” even? It just makes me laugh at the absurdity of it.
I wanted to affect change by channeling a loving guide, a voice to lighten those who would be compelled to listen.
I wanted to reach people by voice, by word, by work. I wanted to reach people by touch, by connection, by love.
I wanted to affect change in this lifetime with some semblance of surrealism apparently.
Apparently, this time around I only need to be present. This may be the hardest assignment. There are so many old souls we are not required to openly affect anyone. We just need to be present.
This assignment is much like being patient. I realize being patience is not waiting. Being patient is being engaged otherwise while that thing that is coming comes. In this way to be present is a lot like patience.
I don’t get to lay on hands, I don’t get to channel, I don’t get to openly, actively proselytize and make known this great wonder that I feel so deeply. I can do without the proselytizing, except I’m toeing a line right now…
I may be here in this lifetime merely to be present. There is no focus of person or activity.
This lifetime has gifted all of us with the power to CREATE meaning. We don’t have to ask for meaning, we create it. This statement is filled with power. So my super-power is presence? How do I work this? In the meantime, here I am.
So while meditation may have brought me to a place within that makes me want to share, I am not sure what I am sharing. It’s possible that what I am meant to share is as clear as the nose on my face, so obvious that I cannot see it for myself. That would not surprise me.Read More...
This desire feels closer to truth – not as some coo-koo crazy lady, not some lost in space love-bunny. It feels closer to my truth. I still feel like I am coming out of the closet. So – here I am, in all my glory, with my fearful wishes speaking love.Read More...
You may have noticed I have been dabbling with Podcasts. I don’t know if I am getting better, but I am getting more comfortable. The first one’s I recorded I read almost verbatim from the book I found them in. The book is linked to the page the podcast is available through. (Aside: Soon I need to review how podcasts show in each application to find what additional information I need to include. I’ve given proper credit and I very much enjoyed the books I’ve listed. I do hope others have the same opportunity.)
As I continued to find meditations that have made a difference in how I feel about life, about myself, about my circumstances, I have been reading and recording them into my podcast feed, but I have been updating the language. I have been adjusting the tone that I heard in the author’s writing. I have been editing how much to include and adding a point of attention for the focus that I wanted to share. This editing has only made me an editor.
The more I edited the pieces I presented the more I realized I may be ready to write my own meditations. Today I did. I recorded my meditation today as well. I’ll do the sound editing in a bit, I just want to allow myself to be thrilled about this for a moment. Writing my own, based on what I have gathered from others, following the path of the meditation genre I can only wonder if I am writing fan-meditations. (LOL. Sometimes I crack me up.)
So I will get the sound edit done and post this puppy, my baby, this new child of mine in the next couple of days. I still have recordings from readings that I have not yet posted. I can hardly keep up with myself.
Life is full and varied – to schedule anything with any certainty is sketchy at best for me. But I continue to breathe and create and practise and exercise and breathe.
I have been remiss in daily yoga practice. In fact, I fell off the wagon. I’ve been hiding from my mat. In true fashion I’ve been telling myself I can go back anytime. I feel the guilt of not keeping my word to myself to be a proper yogini.
It’s time to go back. Going back is not the same as starting – there is a difficulty rating that was not apparent when I first started. Now it feels hard to start. It seems a little kick start has been necessary.
I was clamming at the ocean this weekend – we love us some Razor Clams. It was a marvelous night for clamming, by the way. Yes, it was crisp – okay maybe cold. But I bundle up in my neoprene waders and my new clamming boots. I have my pilot’s grade coat that is meant to deal with near blizzard conditions while a pilot does his walk around just before the plane is de-iced. I don’t live in the Bahamas. They don’t have Razor Clams there. It was a marvelous night because it wasn’t raining. I won’t go clamming in the cold and the dark and the rain. Rain is my line in the sand.
As I was pulling up the clams it became evident to me that I am not taking care of myself. My lower back was really feeling the suction of the sand in the clam-gun as I pulled up another. I made it a point to concentrate on using my legs. On the next hole I made it a point to square my shoulders and to pull with my legs. On the next hole I made it a point to pull the clam up faster and not prolong the agony. The limit on Razor clams is fifteen per person. I got to twelve and decided if I pull another I will be unable to walk back up the beach to my car. As it was I still needed to walk down to the water to get a bucket of seawater to soak these clams overnight so that I don’t have to clean them until the next morning.
Walking up the beach took a couple of attempts. It is wonderful how when one is walking one can just stop and readjust, move the bucket of water from one hand to the other, switch up how one carries the clamming gun, push the clam net around to the back of one’s body so that one isn’t kicking it with every step. I appreciate that my friend walked slow alongside me. We knuckle bumped a good clam dig…proud to just be out there gathering our own dinner. Fifteen clams is two meals for two people. These are large clams. I made her stop twice before we got to the car.
My lower back was in knots. While I was in the hot shower after we got home I found myself practicing modified cat/cows using the built-in ledge of my shower stall. I found myself lifting my arm high over head with a gentle bend and allowing the hot water to massage the side of my back, then changing sides to allow the hot water to massage my back on the other side. I took meds. I drank wine. I went to bed.
I can feel the knot in my back. It is one. It is a shadow of what it was last night. This morning I rolled out my mat and prior to meditations I loosened up my lower back. It was a morning of light and loose cats and cows, seated twists, prone postures with the 4 pose, windshield wipers and legs wide on the mat to allow my knees to fall to one side then the other. I did a very low bridge pose. Very low, meaning I think I lifted my butt off the mat, but I have no film footage to prove it.
I am back on the mat. I can’t believe Razor clams kicked my butt like that.
I don’t know if I’ve said it before here at Continue to Breathe – but I prefer meditation to yoga. Maybe yoga is supposed to be a moving meditation. But let’s get real, I don’t have to move to meditate. I can sit and enjoy the ride. And it is a ride. It’s an internal ride with complete surrender, yet grounded in joy. I prefer meditation. Yoga is good. I love leading my classes, but for myself I prefer mediation.
I suppose my own favorite meditation lately is the exercise of getting my body and my brain together in the ‘now’ of each moment in meditation. I don’t know how long ago I started really thinking about slowing, no stopping, the futurism of my brain and bringing that racing brain back to where my body is (seated comfortably in a chair).
The whole exercise started as I found myself reaching back to my buddhist roots during a simple meditation session to call forth my buddhist nature. In the forty years I have been practising buddhism I have found the most fulfilling times, moments days and years, of my practise were when I was ‘filled’ with a presence greater than myself. That filling came while I was in active buddhist prayer and chanting. I have to admit, I could spend an hour easily in buddhist chanting prayer – it felt so good. I would come away feeling high. My then boyfriend (now husband) asked me one afternoon if I had been smoking something. That’s when I realized how strong this inner being can be. I came to rely on this prayer to calm and strengthen me. It’s not a bad thing to fall back on. But an hour is a long stretch of time to pull from one’s day. My meditations now are fifteen minutes, and silent and overwhelming me still with insight, and calmness and a self that is more than self.
Yes, I do miss the time I spent in buddhist prayer. I loved the ritual, the sounds, the smells, the postures, the sacredness of it all. I have my alter, my Budsudan. I love that it waits for me without screaming at me for attention, or complaining that I don’t come visit anymore or hardly ever. Inanimate objects are amazingly patient. Much like the dishes in my sink waiting to be rinsed and put in the dishwasher. They’ll wait all night without a peep out of them.
Meditation does not come with these accoutrements. No need for candles and incense or offerings of any kind. Meditation only requires my time. I am finding these simple meditations to be as powerful as the peace and authenticity I found with the formal buddhist format. Meditation is almost an anywhere thing. I only need a comfortable chair and fifteen minutes undisturbed. Twenty years ago in the throes of full on buddhist fulfillment I would have called my bluff. I would have told me that nothing comes easy. Do your time. Get on your meditation perch (assume the position?) and power through till enlighenment arrives.
I guess enlightenment arrived. for these days I am satisfied. I am happy. The timing in my life is exquisite and I am fortunate every single day. I wish the same for every one. Every single person. May they find this when they are ready – but of course they will. As the dishes wait for attention and we continue to breathe.
Friday I had to call a hiatus on Friday Drop-in Lunch Yoga. I feel confident I can start back up that last Friday in November. As I was chatting with Dori, one of my yoginis, in the hallway this week about all the things coming up in the next month at work she assured me a break might be in order. As we parted ways I felt she had a point. It would be better to take a break than to add to my stress by trying to be the kind of yoga teacher I want to be. I have been less than focused these last couple weeks. If you remember I was unable at the last minute to even make it to class two weeks ago. I still feel terrible about that.
Next week I will be off work completely so that I may assist my husband post surgery. The following week I will be working off site so that I can be available if additional care is necessary. The week after that is the holiday week of Thanksgiving, so a class that Friday will be unnecessary. It was with relief I emailed the group that we won’t be coming together for yoga.
In the meantime, while I am taking this break I will be going back to my home yoga studio, the studio that is my place to hang out as a student. It is a great studio. The teachers there are focused and yoga centric while they are teaching. Very few people there know that I am a yoga teacher. I am ready to be a student again. I am ready to immerse myself in the motions of yoga with regard only to my own alignment, to allow my own focus to build back up. I need to fill up so that I again have the enthusiasm I had when I started this drop-in class. I look forward to freshening up my practise. My hiatus may have just turned into a very short sabbatical. I get to be the student. A little break in the action is sometimes a very good thing.
Successful blogs require video. Successful blogs have a great social media following and include video blogging or video instruction/information.
I filmed a video. Okay, I filmed four days of video. I learned a lot in four days.
Number 1. Don’t wear crazy yoga outfits. They only look crazy. I think the reason people wear crazy yoga outfits is because they haven’t really seen themselves in it. When you do a quick pass in the mirror this simply does not get across the entirety of a crazy yoga outfit. I learned this information on day one.
Number 2. My living room does not look like a studio, or a nature center, or a film set. It looks like a carpeted living room with a lot of big furniture in it. As I reviewed the video I see that it would take a week to get all the furniture out. And then I would have to paint the walls, or cover them with curtains. HEY! Maybe I can just go pick up curtains to hang in front of the entertainment center – the one that no longer holds a television in it. How do I disguise the fishing poles? And where do I hide the couch off-camera and still have a hallway in the house? I am still thinking on these questions.
Number 3. I have a common thread in each of my yoga practice days. I have a favorite modification. It seems that modification shows up every single day. It may be because I did the video in August. This modification is the Towel Swipe modification. Towel Swipe modification is available in pretty much every posture – Downward-facing Dog, Wild Thang, Gate Pose, Locust, Any Warrior. Even trees and mountains modify with a towel swipe. It was hot. I am not meant for Hot Yoga.
I would set a video in here. Video as a challenge to myself. But I reveiwed it again. No way. I’m just going to sit back and continue to breathe.