Instruction is Not Practice for Myself

The name for my yoga business is “Yoga with Friends”. Being a yoga instructor has kind of changed all that, but I still like the name. The intention was that I would have friends to do yoga with. I now see that my own yoga practice is not actually available while I am guiding others. To be the instructor I find I am demonstrating the posture and then scanning the group for alignment and facial expressions. While I breathe into a posture, it is more for show than to actually feel the deepening for myself. I don’t know why I thought being a yoga teacher would allow me to do more yoga (and be paid for it). I still have to carve out time in my day for my own practice.

I see that even more now that I am instructing others I need to kick it up a notch for my own practice. I am a better guide in class when I have myself well-grounded. Yoga with Friends has morphed as I am shifting my focus to the friends in front of me. In my classes I am doing yoga for friends more than with friends. No, I don’t expect to change the name. It will stay Yoga with Friends.

Yoga teachers still take yoga classes. I spend more time in classes than I do teaching yoga to others. Of course, I am a better teacher for it. Some classes I take for myself, to deepen my own practice. Some classes I like to go to because they have sequencing or cueing that helps me guide the people in my classes. Either way it is a compliment to all of my teachers that they help me be a better instructor.

The more advanced classes, Level II, I enjoy for my own stretching. The Level I classes and All Level classes I like for the review (again and again) of the basics.

When teaching a class I have to take into account the lowest common denominator. The person that is new to yoga has to be my main focus. Everyone that knows what a Sun Salutation is knows how to follow along. For those new to yoga I repeat the sequence, the alignment cues, the left and right of the postures. For the comfort of everyone I do not allow myself to go any deeper into a pose than the least flexible person in the room. I take that back, I do go deeper and I show the next fullest expression of the posture for those that are ready to try that added benefit. Then I come back to the level of the newest member and keep my eyes on the group.

People don’t want to admit to not knowing the postures. I can tell who they are. It’s okay, there’s usually more than one person that is trying something for the first time. I have to keep it slow, basic, informed. We all end together regardless of the level of experience. And we continue to breath.

Jitters

Class is getting easier to lead. I kind of feel I am in the groove. People are coming every week. I have a couple regulars. I don’t know how to grab back the people that haven’t returned. There are two young ladies that were really excited that yoga was going to be offered. One of them came to the early – non-sanctioned classes and really liked it. She brought her friend with her to the group class and then neither of them have been back. I hear things like; I forgot my stretchy pants. While I know yoga isn’t everyone’s cup of tea I still want to fill the room every week.

Today was a good strong group. There were four of us this time. Three are new to yoga. I am their first yoga instructor. Ever. For me that means I will be doing a lot of talking, a lot of explaining the mechanics – left foot back, right foot back, square up your hips, describing where center of gravity should be, how to plant one’s feet for alignment, allow yourself to breathe into the posture.

It always surprises me that I can’t remember “arch” of one’s foot. As in, “Line up the heel of your front foot with the arch of your back foot.” For some reason the word “arch” escapes me. Another glitch in my instructions is requesting everyone walk their hands to their feet when I mean to say, walk your feet up to your hands. Having new students, I am finding that I am not doing my own yoga practice, I am guiding others in theirs.

This week I have a fresh sequence that includes several twists. With the new patrons I didn’t think to revert back to last week’s sequence. I was excited to bring in some fresh postures. Twists are great for loosening stagnant energies. Twists massage the internal organs. Twists help to dislodge pent up stress in our bodies. I was so pleased to incorporate some twists throughout today’s practice. Twists may not be good for first time yoga practitioners. But I give away the story there.

Class actually went very well. I was good at mirroring my left to their right. The twist were easy and understandable. We started our practice with regular cats and cows, rotating our hips back and forth. I then had everyone thread the needle, this is more a pose for releasing the shoulders and the back. There is a twist in it, but we focused on our shoulders. Then we moved into a Child’s Pose (Balasana) to relax, to feel our shoulders and open our back a little more. As we moved into our standing poses, starting with Half forward fold (Ardha Uttanasana), then forward fold -holding our elbows for deepening our posture, I had the group rock back and forth. I cue’d for grounding our feet, feeling our hips, back and hamstrings opening. We came up to Mountain Pose, Samasthiti and back to forward fold. We repeated full-fold, half-fold, Mountain Pose and Samasthiti. Then we went to Chair Pose (Utkatasana) returning to Samasthiti a couple times and then complete this with a twisted chair pose – once each side. I did not have the group hold this pose but for a breath each side, I could see this was the extent of their abilities today. We moved on to a Warrior Sequence. The Warrior went over well. Everyone seems to know Warrior II (Virabradrasana II). I spoke of hip placement and elongating the core with the inhale. We completed this sequence with Triangle pose (Utthita Trikonasana). Though to me this is not a twisting pose the opening of the core in this pose can feel dislodging to one’s gut and mid-core. Regardless, the class was moving along really well. I felt like a real yoga master.

Once we made it to the floor poses I was having the group twist into a Belly Twist with legs extended. It feels great on the back and hips. I feel this pose up into my shoulders, my pectorals as well. I heard sighs of release from the group. I knew I was reaching everyone. I was happy to be a part of this. We held our knees and made little circles to massage the lower back. I guided the group into Happy Baby pose and then we came to rest for Corpse Pose. Everything went just as I had sequenced it. The group was responsive and flowing. We were in the groove.

Later, it was later that afternoon that I received a chat asking, “Should I be feeling all jittery?” It was then that I realized I too was unable to calm myself or to focus on the project in front of me. I was feeling scattered and agitated for no known reason. My confidence came crashing down. Did I teach inappropriately? Did I do this? What am I to tell her, a newbie at that, about dislodging energy? What should I have done to get everyone back to the calm and focus that we look for after yoga practice? Did I sequence this right, or was the sequence even healthy? I’ve been doing yoga for a long time and even I felt the effects of this twisted session. I don’t think it’s just an advanced class sequence, I think it really did shake up people’s bodies.

My answer back, and the general e-mail I sent out said, “Thank you all for coming today. I appreciate being able to guide you in your yoga practice. I wish you all a wonderful weekend. We worked some powerful energy today so please drink lots of water and be kind to yourself this weekend. I look forward to seeing you all next week.” I refilled my own water and started drinking to calm down.

Here’s the thing, did I do something wrong? I admit, I’m a little panicked. Was the sequence too invigorating? What kind of damage does this create? I’m feel like I’m on shaky ground. I don’t get it. Is it the twists? It seems an obvious answer to me. I don’t have enough training here to know. I don’t have enough training to know that this would happen. I haven’t heard from anyone else. Yoga is meant to heal not create crazy. I am worried about my peeps. I had no idea yoga was this strong.

For future reference – this Friday Lunch Drop-In is meant as a quick, light-fare, lunchtime escape. I need to keep in mind that there may always be new people. I want to pull together two or three light sequences for the shoulders, the hips and the back and leave it at that. I am not some guru-yogini-master. Lunchtime yoga is not here to heal anyone. It is ginger-ale for whatever may afflict you. That’s it. I am a new instructor. Full stop. May we all just continue to breath.

When Sunday Comes to Practice

Sunday has been coming to my house to practice yoga for over two years now. She has arthritis in her hip that hurts bad enough that for several years already she has been going in to the doctor to get Cortisone injections. I didn’t realize these injections are a procedure that includes an anesthesiologist and a very long needle. I hear ‘shot’ and I think flu, something I can get at the neighborhood pharmacy. Apparently not.

Sunday has not felt the pain enough to go in for her cortisone for over two years now. I did not realize the relief that slow regulated movement can do for this kind of pain. I am like, really proud that something I do for her can make such a difference.

This last Sunday, so yesterday, I was determined to give a successful yoga hour. Something that will stay with Sunday for the whole week. As an instructor I have been feeling bad that two weeks ago when she came by to practice yoga I did some pretty perfunctory poses, and called it good. I just didn’t take the time to feel it. It’s not that I didn’t want to feel it. My mind was tired. I was feeling drained. I know, because I’ve been there, that the drained feeling can be totally recharged with yoga…but I didn’t go there. I don’t know why. I’ve been feeling guilty of not taking care of Sunday for two weeks.

Determination is a good thing. I don’t care what you are doing. If one is determined to make a difference…it happens. It has to, there’s no choice. The difference in Sunday, and my own body from our practice is fantastic. It is palpable. We started with our wrists, as I know her wrists get tired throughout our hour and a half together. We did gentle seated twists as we sat in easy pose with our legs crossed. The leg crossing agitates Sunday’s knees and legs and ankles so I don’t linger. But we do breathe into each posture. Every breath is sent to release the muscles and ligaments that are responding to the posture.

Our back, our back and spine and vertebrae are of absolute importance to me. I know it is important for Sunday to open the hips – and this release lasts all week for her. To me it is important that all the parts still work together and the back is a conduit, a firing rod, the stake in the ground that is best as a strong, straight staff that connects smoothly with the hips.

Sunday and I spend some time in cats and cows rotating the hips in a stable pose. I know her wrists are starting to feel the burn as we move on to Bird-Dog pose for the Psoas muscles (find Ray Long, MD, FRCSC web page for Bird-Dog – Link here). Just switching up the right and the left arm is enough to keep us going. Once we are done with Bird-Dog twice each side we relax into Child’s Pose and roll our wrists as they rest on the mat overhead.

Every week is different. This week as we come up on our knees from Child’s Pose we moved into Gate Latch Pose (Parighasana) and Sunday felt the hip opening. Personally, I don’t feel the opening. I had thought this a bland posture. For Sunday, this posture is huge wonderful. I wanted to be sure she didn’t collapse her side body, and that the hips were squared up and all that. Sunday was simply glad to feel the hip flexion and the rotation.

So, to fast-forward here to our wide legged forward fold, we had our blocks in front of us as we folded over at the hips. Sunday and I place our hands at our hips so we can feel the pivot action centered right there. I’m sure I was yacking on and on about keeping the back straight, don’t worry about how low you go, etc…take hold of the block when you get close and adjust it to the right height to use the block for stability as we hold and breathe into the posture. Sunday moves her block to a comfortable height. We stay here for a while breathing and talking. Sunday tells me she’s not feeling this posture in her hips, she’s feeling this posture in her shoulders. Huh. For me this is all a hip and legs posture. But Sunday is feeling it in her shoulders? I can take all the teaching classes there is time available for, but I learn way more from actually teaching. I learn more from my students. I wonder that it is ingrained faster when I hear things from my students. Today (Monday) I tried to recreate the scene, but to feel the posture in my shoulders. I haven’t found it yet. I get close to feeling the posture in my shoulders when my back is rounded, but nothing worth mentioning. I don’t know what I would do different. Maybe we can start next week with shoulder releasing postures.

In fact, for Sunday we did move on to postures like Eagle Arms (Garudasana – arms only, in a seated position) to release the shoulders.

Overall, Sunday and I enjoyed a deep practice. We both felt strong, energized and relaxed when we were done. Savasana’s focus was on how happy each of our body parts are. The ankles are happy to be stronger than when we started our practice. Our hips are pleased to feel such release and relief. Our shoulder blades are loose and melting with joy into the mat to relax…etc. It was a fun Savasana.

Famous Firsts

Whoa! My first class with strangers. My first group class. It went over okay. I had six people show up. That was perfect. I wasn’t overwhelmed, and there was plenty of room and the space was well utilized. I’m happy actually.

Things I did right:

I had a sequence and presentation ready and memorized.
I asked everyone’s name (and remembered them).
I asked for requests. That was a little nerve-wracking. I didn’t want to deviate from my sequence too much that I lose my way.
Let’s see, I kept us on schedule time-wise.
Bring lots of towels – we had to use them for yoga mats.

Things I was surprised by:

As Shelley left she said that she likes my timing – not too fast or too slow.
There aren’t any mats available. I understood there would be mats.
Shoulders, everyone agreed that shoulders need work – and I was able to incorporate shoulder work with seated postures right after we ended our standing postures. It flowed as if I meant to do it that way.
Mirroring the group is pretty tricky. I feel funny switching up which way I present on the mat to mirror the group. Left means right, right means left. I’m not good with left and right to begin with. I am learning to say, “Bring your opposite foot back into your lunge.” I never had that problem before.

I’m a yoga instructor and I continue to breathe.

Am I Better for being Certified?

As a newly minted 200 hour yoga teacher certified instructor I have taken a lot of time to consider why I felt the need to go through this training. I was guiding my friends already before I went through the certification courses. And let’s be real, a huge reason I went through the certification training was for the certificate. I do find myself wondering if I was a better instructor before all the high faluting yoga speak was dished out at me. Here I am after all the courses, wondering why I would want to say Uttanasana rather than Forward Fold. What the hell? Yes, I know the word. It makes me sound exclusionary.

There is a lot of uppity vocabulary in yoga. Yoga shouldn’t be about learning a new language, and a kind of dead language at that, should it? I understand the opinion that the words themselves are beautiful. The words alone can take one to a sacred space. I recognize that. But I wonder that it takes a particular kind of class, an intense request for knowledge or an openness to be sacred during yoga to accept this new language enough the learn it. For most, for most of the classes I have been guiding, teaching this language isn’t where my students are. Still, I incorporate it. And maybe my students feel more like they are doing Yoga for it (capital Y). I incorporate this Sanskrit vocabulary because it is expected, not because it is common knowledge. Expected, as in, that’s the way it’s always been. I’m not sure I buy into that idea.

Before I took my training I was laughing with my friends. We were cutting up about how our faces can scrunch up, even during mountain pose. We were speaking to each other about how long we keep our arms up for Warrior pose. It was an interactive class. Now I am leading the group, and I remind my friends to smile, to relax their shoulders, and there is very little interaction until I hear someone sigh and we are done.

I am more aware, since getting my certificate, of when I am not “doing it right’. Those first classes after training I was unable to breathe right. I was inhaling to speak and exhaling to provide example…not at all following the inhale and exhale of the asana. I could only tell others when to inhale and when to exhale. But for myself, I wasn’t breathing with the group. It just felt wrong. Today I see I wasn’t wrong, I was just learning to teach. I didn’t know that giving a class is not at all like doing my own personal practice. Before my training, class was my personal practice with other people.

The people who came to my class before I was certified, and still do, have injuries and health issues. Another huge reason to becoming certified was to be sure I wasn’t injuring anyone. Nowhere in my training did we discuss arthritis, or old knee surgeries, or knees specifically even. We did not discuss how to assist with folks that have had hip surgery. Sciatica, ACL tears, dislocated collar bones, ankle injuries, none of these were addressed. I did not get out of my training that side of things that I wanted to know. These are the people that are coming to my class. No, I am not a physical therapist. But this is what yoga is becoming. And it is becoming just that with the blessing of the medical industry.

Am I teaching ancient knowledge toward a sacred end, or a physical knowledge toward a healthy body only? This was not discussed in my teacher training. I am having to find where that line is for myself. Both options, and I am sure there are more than just those two, are way more serious than where my mindset was prior to certification. Life has been fun. Yoga has been fun. Now that I am certified can we all just get back to the fun and continue to breathe?

My History of Yoga

I have been practicing yoga since I was nineteen. It started with a course in college that fulfilled my physical education requirement. As a drama student I was only required one physical education course as a core class toward my degree. I thought about tennis and volleyball and ballet. But yoga stood out as a really cool option. Something that dovetailed with my new Buddhist outlook. It would be shocking enough to my parents to please mmake me happy.

I am beginning to think this was the one class I have taken along my entire life. That year from January to May we met for four hours every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon.

Back then, 1980, we didn’t use yoga mats. We met in the gymnastics area so the floor was made of cushioned material. We were to bring a large beach towel. At the time we were told the towel, or whatever cotton or natural fiber we had placed on the floor to mark our space was sacred to our yoga practice. It was the towel we were to keep only for that time that we were in our yoga space. Yoga mats, whether rubber or now the various chemical materials they are made of, just weren’t used. They hadn’t been thought of I suppose. I’m not sure the phrase “on the mat” or “off the mat” had any bearing on my practice at that time.

The instructor wasn’t much older than her college students. She may have been all of twenty-six. She certainly wasn’t in her thirties. She was a small woman with a dancer’s body. I, on the other hand considered myself a large girl. I see photos now of myself back then and I realize I was petite with muscles that I didn’t know I had. Keeping my belly flat was my biggest concern. This woman took her yoga serious. I was there for something new.

We learned Hatha Yoga. I’m sure she taught us history of yoga with a lot of reverence to the masters. I don’t remember any of that except for the atmosphere of coming together for something more that physical exercise. Alignment was a sacred goal. Inner focus was insisted on. She continued for those five months to speak of our back, our spine as the energy source that requires our attention, our focus, our strength and our flexibility. Our back is our greatest treasure. If our back is aligned and strong, then our whole body follows in natural course. Without the strength of our spine our lives become less. In so many ways she is right. Today I hear many yogis impressing on us the importance of our hips being open. I wonder that the changes in our modern lives have made this shift necessary.

Our instructor spoke of our chakras. I had never heard of chakras. We studied energy centers, and opening these areas to light and to contemplation. These were not things that I had studied in my Buddhist practice and I did not want to tarnish what I was learning from that. And yet, I found myself years later engrossed in the Chakra system, feeling the energy flowing through me in ways I had only thought of as incidental during yoga class.

I don’t know when, between my college days and now, that the 200 hour yoga teacher training certification began. We certainly didn’t have that option back then. Now everything one wants to specialize in requires some kind of formal certificate before one is considered versed as an expert. I believe now that I received 200 hours of training and then some. If I do the math it was only 128 hours. It was all ‘contact’ hours then. And we were graded. I miss the days of being accountable. My yoga teacher training this last year was not graded.

My yoga teacher training now left a lot to be desired. I have reviewed the syllabus that Yoga Alliance has standardized for certification. I received all that in spades in college. I received it at a time when my mind had room to accept and retain new ideas far easier and more completely than it seems to now.

Things I remember that were not discussed this time are :

Twists were to massage our inner organs, to squeeze out and cause stagnant energy to release and flow again. Twists were to engage muscles and ligaments surrounding our vertebrae to expand, contract and strengthen our spine. Forward folds were to open our lower back yes, but they were also to allow our blood flow easier access to the area above our heart.

Inversions were necessary yoga postures. Inversions changed the flow of blood and strengthened our veins to push our blood flow even when our bodies were not upright. What a crazy idea that sound like now. I love inversions. I could do headstands back then. Today I feel like I am heavy, and that heaviness makes inversions uncomfortable. Maybe in the new year I can change my thoughts to enjoy inversions above shoulder stands again.

I wish I would find my class notes from that time, from that class in 1980. We practiced yoga every class. Then we sat and listened to new ideas and theories. We took notes and got back in our space to practice poses to feel them for ourselves. We ended class with new sequences adding in the new poses. We did not learn to teach yoga. We learned this yoga for ourselves.

I believe today’s mainstream yoga has lost sight of the depth of the standard yoga asanas. Yoga is about physical health that naturally transcends into spiritual health. It is, I believe, our visual language that has made pretzel poses merely physical – and taken the yoga out of the pose. I know that the twists and one legged standing tucked poses that were available to me in my twenties take longer to acheive at this time. I am happy to release myself to tuck. I am happy to stand on one leg. I am cleared enough to twist. The yoga in me is strong, it still practices. And I continue to breathe.

For Starters

I have decided to stay home tonight and write rather than head out for yoga.

I want these posting to be relevant, well-written, insightful and I want to reach those that want to be reached. This blog, I have been thinking, is to be a yoga teacher primer. Maybe. As a newly minted yoga teacher I want to record the journey. This is the record of my journey.

I love me some yoga. And meditation is crazy goodness. I swear, at this time, fifteen minutes of meditation is my new lover. I am constantly on the look out for a fifteen minute slot to sit in meditation. And it is sweet surrender when I do. I am happier, more secure, and confident with myself when I have meditated.

I have heard yoga called the moving meditation, the prayer in motion. And yes, I have experienced this. And it IS divine. It is a full body source awareness. It is an inner focus on my external body. It is love, it is divine love seeping into every joint, ligament and blood cell as they are moving and flowing in this wonderfully mundane life.

What I really want to get at is, my goal in meditation is to stop thinking and then to connect with the divine. My goal in yoga is to allow my body the motion it deserves, and then IT calms down too.

Buddhism lead me here. Wait, let’s start earlier. Christianity led me to Buddhism. Buddhism led me to yoga and yoga enforced meditation. But just to be clear – prayer and meditation are super close to each other. They are not the same.

While we can contemplate the words of the masters, we can also contemplate no thing. Contemplating no thing may actually be a more expedient means to our sustained happiness. It is for me – feel free to choose your path.

Chanting in an ancient unintelligible language actually helped to clear my mind better than focusing on words in my own language. I kept getting in my own way. To chant in a dead language and focus on the sounds of the syllables and vowels allowed my head to empty and my prayers to become clear. My prayers were my heart talking. My heart speaks more plainly than my mouth ever has. Things happened, and prayers became answered. My friend tells me I am very good at manifesting things. And it is true, most of what I have wanted has come to pass. I may not be requesting very big things, but I have come to know happiness. That is pretty huge.

We all strive for happiness. I’m sorry we strive; happiness is. Happiness is in recognition; recognition of happiness. Sustainability is huge. I myself was not clear that happiness is sustainable. But it is. It is sustainable when it permeates everything one holds dear. I can soak in happiness; steep in happiness; wallow in happiness, speak in happiness and it is sustainable as we expect happiness. We become mired in happiness and it’s a wonderful place to be mired. If I am going to be stuck – let it be in happiness.

I have been practicing yoga since I was nineteen. To gain the designation to be a yoga teacher/instructor/guide is such a thrill. While I work on my personal yoga, my personal satisfaction and my own awareness, I was able to legitimize my guidance as a yoga instructor. And a yoga instructor is a whole new journey. I continue to breathe.

Boy, I hope this blog doesn’t blather on and on too often. I just want me some yoga.

Continue to Breathe

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